I have a new photo of the beautiful boy.
I sat down to make sense of my bills this evening and discovered to my horror that I hadn't paid them in almost a month, which was quite a bit longer than I thought. Everything is late, and I have to pay double bills for lots of things to catch up. I have a health insurance bill for $1500.00. I don't know why the state assistance portion didn't get paid this month; probably something to do with the New Year.
Even with state aid the cost is outrageous. I would absolutely get rid of it if it weren't for having to make sure M.M. is covered. As it is, I may finally be forced to figure out about getting MassHealth and dropping private insurance altogether. I am beaten down, discouraged by the enormity of the terribleness of the system and the futility of trying to do anything about it. I just want health care for my daughter.
The irony is that medicine is so useless so much of the time. M.M. threw up for the better part of a month and all the doctor's office could say was don't let her get dehydrated. And they gave me bad advice which I didn't follow about withholding breastmilk, the most nutritious and well tolerated of all substances for babies.
Before I allowed myself to discover the extent of my dire financial situation for the month, I got M.M. a hammer and pounding bench today, and a Pete Seeger kids' CD. She loves hammers and was delighted, thrilled, enthralled with having one of her own. She was carrying it as we walked back to the car, and insisted on banging on a brick wall as we went by. She fell asleep on the way home, and when she woke up, "hammer" was the first thing she said. It felt great. Screw the insurance company and the accountant.