9/18/2006
9/16/2006
Ballerina
M.M. was so excited about finally going to ballet that she almost couldn't do anything but run around the studio in circles. She did manage to participate in the class a reasonable amount, but she was pretty distracted and also felt the need to come out and say hi to me several times. I'm hoping and assuming that she'll get the hang of being in a class after a few times.
The whole thing was incredibly cute, with seven 3 year olds in leotards leaping and running around. This morning, M.M. asked if she had ballet again today, so I think it's safe to say she liked it.
9/15/2006
OCD
I'm addicted to the cover art features in the new version of iTunes. I have already spent untold hours downloading the missing CD covers from my online music collection. Now I literally sometimes open iTunes just to look at them and flip through the totally cool interface. It's embarrassing.
9/05/2006
Extended Breastfeeding
It's funny… one of the kittens is still nursing at every opportunity (like a certain almost-3-year-old I know), and I think the other one is completely done. Even in the feline world, some people are ready to give it up sooner than others.
Interestingly, the kitten who is still nursing is more outgoing, more adventurous, and more curious than the other. The earlier weaner seems to be generally self-contained and content. She's more tolerant of M.M. mauling her and carrying her around, and has never tried to go outside.
So apparently (to my mind, anyway) the continued nursing gives that kitten support that allows her to be more daring and independent, so long as she can come back to Mom and get what she needs periodically. Though it looks to me like Mom is getting a little sick of it, and usually gets up and walks away after a very short period of nursing.
8/02/2006
Back in the Blogosphere…maybe
You'd think I'd have a lot to talk about, having moved 300 miles, started a whole new life in a new place etc. etc. But what am I blogging about? My sucky internet service. i had to get satellite because DSL isn't available here, and wireless isn't available here, and dialup can't handle the files I have to send back and forth for work. So, satellite it is. It's perfectly satisfactory except for the past 2 1/2 days when it hasn't worked at all! Apparently some terribly fate has befallen someplace in Laredo, Texas, and this is (of course) the explanation for my lack of service. Which they can't say when it will return.
And of course, this is the week that they Powers That Be (known as the new and enthusiastic President of the Board) has decided that the big humongous book project that's been on my plate for the better part of the past year needs to be done. I'm actually glad about that. I'm not really good sans deadline, and I really want this thing to be over with so I can stop feeling guilty and oppressed about it, and so I can go on to other things that haven't yet taken on the weight of the world for me. But am I working on it? No, I am blogging – writing stuff that no one will read. Any insecurity there? Feelings of inadequacy? Hmmm…
6/03/2006
A-Travelin' On
It's hard to believe, but life is finally moving forward! We're still homeless, but in two weeks we'll be heading on down to the new homeplace, and getting settled is actually on the horizon. I can hardly believe it, and I barely recognize the cheeriness I'm feeling today despite the rain.
I'm nearly finished the Eskimo doll – though what's left is the fiddly bits of sewing up and embellishing, so I've kind of been putting it off for a while. However, today I wound the yarn for a dishcloth from Mason-Dixon Knitting, vaguely rationalizing it as a house present for the friends who've been letting us stay at their house. Notwithstanding the facts that a) they don't actually use dishcloths, b) there's no way in God's creation that I'll actually finish anything in the two weeks before we move, and c) I'm a bit insecure about giving someone a single dishcloth, handknit or no, as a house present for a month of hospitality.
But I couldn't help it. I'll cast on today.
I'm nearly finished the Eskimo doll – though what's left is the fiddly bits of sewing up and embellishing, so I've kind of been putting it off for a while. However, today I wound the yarn for a dishcloth from Mason-Dixon Knitting, vaguely rationalizing it as a house present for the friends who've been letting us stay at their house. Notwithstanding the facts that a) they don't actually use dishcloths, b) there's no way in God's creation that I'll actually finish anything in the two weeks before we move, and c) I'm a bit insecure about giving someone a single dishcloth, handknit or no, as a house present for a month of hospitality.
But I couldn't help it. I'll cast on today.
4/16/2006
Happy Easter
No recent blogging due to travel and general life hecticity. I finished the koigu socks and gave them away - they turned out nicely. Also finished a kitten, also given away, and am still working on the Anna socks and an Eskimo (at M.M.'s request). Life promises to be incredibly hectic for an undetermined length of time, until we're moved and actually living somewhere.
3/11/2006
What Because?
Life with a two and a half year old is exciting and fun and also really really boring! I think if I have to answer one more "What because" question, my head is going to explode. We are taking an unplanned road trip starting tomorrow. It's not like me to be so wild and reckless, but this morning I wanted to be visiting my brother, and I just thought, 'well, why can't I?'. I'm just sitting around here waiting for my house to be sold and marking time, so I might as well take advantage of my state of temporary freedom to do something spontaneous and fun.
3/09/2006
Literary
Knitting Literature
The World of Knitted Toys came to my mailbox today, and I am enthralled. I cannot wait to make a knitted wombat, a warthog, a duck-billed platypus. Also, polar bears, a Canadian Mountie, and a rhinocerous. Each pattern is accompanied by a description of the animals native environment and habits, and the photos are lovely. It's really a nice book. And think of the dioramas I'll be able to make!
Children's Literature
On another topic, we've gotten Click, Clack, Moo out of the library this week. I'd seen it before, and a friend had raved to me about Duck for President by the same author, but I didn't think they'd be good for a 2 year old. I thought both books sounded hilarious for adults, but what preschooler knows anything about labor negotiations, not to mention electric typewriters? I thought the adversarial relationship between Farmer Brown and the cows wouldn't appeal to a little kid – too much Animal Farm, not enough Old McDonald Has A Farm.
Oh how wrong I was. We went to story time at the Community Center last week and they read Click Clack Moo, and the kids were hysterical. Who knew? So we borrowed it from the library the other day, and it's just as funny at home as it was in a roomful of hyped up toddlers. We have had some discussion about what a typewriter is, and while she clearly doesn't get it ("What's the paper for?"). So I'll look for the duck one next week. And so much for my reputation as a judge of children's literary tastes.
The World of Knitted Toys came to my mailbox today, and I am enthralled. I cannot wait to make a knitted wombat, a warthog, a duck-billed platypus. Also, polar bears, a Canadian Mountie, and a rhinocerous. Each pattern is accompanied by a description of the animals native environment and habits, and the photos are lovely. It's really a nice book. And think of the dioramas I'll be able to make!
Children's Literature
On another topic, we've gotten Click, Clack, Moo out of the library this week. I'd seen it before, and a friend had raved to me about Duck for President by the same author, but I didn't think they'd be good for a 2 year old. I thought both books sounded hilarious for adults, but what preschooler knows anything about labor negotiations, not to mention electric typewriters? I thought the adversarial relationship between Farmer Brown and the cows wouldn't appeal to a little kid – too much Animal Farm, not enough Old McDonald Has A Farm.
Oh how wrong I was. We went to story time at the Community Center last week and they read Click Clack Moo, and the kids were hysterical. Who knew? So we borrowed it from the library the other day, and it's just as funny at home as it was in a roomful of hyped up toddlers. We have had some discussion about what a typewriter is, and while she clearly doesn't get it ("What's the paper for?"). So I'll look for the duck one next week. And so much for my reputation as a judge of children's literary tastes.
3/08/2006
OCD
Here's how my perfectionistic, obsessive neurosis affects my knitting. It's not by making me frog everything until there are no mistakes in the finished product. Oh no, there are plenty of mistakes in my (still unfinished) Olympic socks, and I'm perfectly happy to let them slide right by on my needles. No, my neurosis is a little more subtle.
It all started when I got the lovely Anna yarn for some nice lace socks. I decided I'd knit them for my cousin (who I'm pretty sure can't be reading this blog, but if she is, there goes that surprise).
My cousin has two sisters. Can you see where this is going? Shortly after I got started on the Anna socks, for cousin #1, Stephanie announced the Knitting Olympics and, well, we all know where that led. My Olympic project was another pair of lace socks, these for cousin #2. Which, of course, I did not finish, but hope to be done with in the next several days. So now I'm thinking about poor old cousin #3. I hadn't planned to knit socks for her. She's younger, maybe less interested in clothing and more in Harry Potter, you know. Maybe less likely to be impressed with hand-knit socks than her older sisters. But I'd hate for her to feel left out, so…. Then I realized, these three girls have a mother. And she has feet, and I wouldn't want her to feel that I was slighting her by knitting socks for her three girls but not for her…
So where am I now? I have a single Anna sock (properly referred to as a Peaks and Valleys sock, but I'm focused on the yarn) about a quarter finished. I have a sock and a half of the Koigu Olympic socks (I think the pattern is called Straight Laced, but I'm not sure). And I have an inner compulsion to knit two more pairs of socks, patterns and yarn as yet unknown, to avoid hypothetically hurting the feelings of people who are probably not sitting around pining for hand-knit socks, or worrying about whether I like them as much as I do their sisters or daughters. I am not unaware of the fact that it's an opportunity to buy – and more importantly, consider, choose, and fondle, new yarn.
I'm also very excited because I've ordered this book and expect it to arrive in a few days. I can't wait to make whole little ecosystems of knitted arctic wildlife and the like, including little shoebox dioramas for them to live in. I'm truly, truly a dork. But a really excited dork.
It all started when I got the lovely Anna yarn for some nice lace socks. I decided I'd knit them for my cousin (who I'm pretty sure can't be reading this blog, but if she is, there goes that surprise).
My cousin has two sisters. Can you see where this is going? Shortly after I got started on the Anna socks, for cousin #1, Stephanie announced the Knitting Olympics and, well, we all know where that led. My Olympic project was another pair of lace socks, these for cousin #2. Which, of course, I did not finish, but hope to be done with in the next several days. So now I'm thinking about poor old cousin #3. I hadn't planned to knit socks for her. She's younger, maybe less interested in clothing and more in Harry Potter, you know. Maybe less likely to be impressed with hand-knit socks than her older sisters. But I'd hate for her to feel left out, so…. Then I realized, these three girls have a mother. And she has feet, and I wouldn't want her to feel that I was slighting her by knitting socks for her three girls but not for her…
So where am I now? I have a single Anna sock (properly referred to as a Peaks and Valleys sock, but I'm focused on the yarn) about a quarter finished. I have a sock and a half of the Koigu Olympic socks (I think the pattern is called Straight Laced, but I'm not sure). And I have an inner compulsion to knit two more pairs of socks, patterns and yarn as yet unknown, to avoid hypothetically hurting the feelings of people who are probably not sitting around pining for hand-knit socks, or worrying about whether I like them as much as I do their sisters or daughters. I am not unaware of the fact that it's an opportunity to buy – and more importantly, consider, choose, and fondle, new yarn.
I'm also very excited because I've ordered this book and expect it to arrive in a few days. I can't wait to make whole little ecosystems of knitted arctic wildlife and the like, including little shoebox dioramas for them to live in. I'm truly, truly a dork. But a really excited dork.
2/27/2006
Final Status
I really have to apologize for the crappy nature of my knitting photography. I'm no professional photog, but I am generally able to take a fairly decent picture, and occasionally even a really nice one. But for some reason I am unable to do make my knitting be in focus. Auto focus, manual focus, doesn't matter. I don't know why. Perhaps I'll start deliberately blurring everything and calling it artistic. Or maybe I need new glasses…
Here is the status of my socks as of the final day of the Olympics. Not a completed pair, which was my goal, but a respectable showing given that I knew I'd be a little lucky to finish one sock. I'm not too disappointed.
I must say, though, that throughout BlogLand there don't seem to be many unfinished Olympic projects hanging around. I'm very impressed by everyone's work. The complicated patterns! The many mittens! The sweaters, hats, and shawls! I'm in awe, and I'm unworthy, but inspired. Someday perhaps I won't be a knitting loser.
Here is the status of my socks as of the final day of the Olympics. Not a completed pair, which was my goal, but a respectable showing given that I knew I'd be a little lucky to finish one sock. I'm not too disappointed.
I must say, though, that throughout BlogLand there don't seem to be many unfinished Olympic projects hanging around. I'm very impressed by everyone's work. The complicated patterns! The many mittens! The sweaters, hats, and shawls! I'm in awe, and I'm unworthy, but inspired. Someday perhaps I won't be a knitting loser.
2/25/2006
One Down
It turned out well, I think. I'm pleased. I am valiantly continuing to knit on sock #2 through the weekend – no quitter, I, despite the utter hopelessness of completing my Olympic challenge by the time the flame is extinguished. I'll take a photo tomorrow night to document how close I came to meeting my goal.
Well, easy come easy go.
2/23/2006
Sockity Sock
So fast, she's invisible!
Olympic Update
One sock done, finito, kaput! Hooray. Looks nice, feels good. I ran into a few, er, blips in the last couple of inches. Suddenly I'd have not enough stitches on my needle. I confess to not having properly fixed each one. But I can't find the spots now, so I'm satisfied. I've cast on and knit about an inch of sock #2, and I'm feeling pleased about starting the downhill slope and a tad disappointed I won't be in medal contention. Although as Heather pointed out, being the sole caretaker of a 2 year old 24/7 ought to qualify me for something.
Gratuitous cuteness now, sock photos maybe tomorrow.
Olympic Update
One sock done, finito, kaput! Hooray. Looks nice, feels good. I ran into a few, er, blips in the last couple of inches. Suddenly I'd have not enough stitches on my needle. I confess to not having properly fixed each one. But I can't find the spots now, so I'm satisfied. I've cast on and knit about an inch of sock #2, and I'm feeling pleased about starting the downhill slope and a tad disappointed I won't be in medal contention. Although as Heather pointed out, being the sole caretaker of a 2 year old 24/7 ought to qualify me for something.
Gratuitous cuteness now, sock photos maybe tomorrow.
2/18/2006
8 Days Down
Here we have photos. You can clearly see that I am not on schedule with the Olympic Knitting, as I'd need to be finished with sock #1 tonight to be on track to finish the pair by the 26th… that said, however, I am pleased with the progress. I've finished turning the heel and I'm well on my way to the final gusset decrease, and I didn't honestly expect to get that far in a week and a day. And hey, I've had a lot of insomnia lately, so maybe I can make significant progress tonight before I go to bed…
I'm afraid my photography is not good enough to really see, but I think it is clear that my sock doesn't look much like the photo in the book. Looking at my sock on its own, I feel pretty happy with it, and if all continues to go well, I'll be perfectly willing to give them to my cousin as planned (as long as she never sees what they're 'supposed' to look like!). However, if you can figure out what I'm doing wrong, I'd be interested to hear for the sake of my evolution as a knitter. Please be tolerant of the wretched colors in this photo. The yarn is truly much more beautiful than it appears. The reds are not so blinding, and the colors all work together much more subtly than you'd ever guess from this photography.
I'm absolutely wracked with worry that I'm not going to have enough yarn. My little ball is dwindling with diabolical speed, and if I run out I'm going to tear out my hair. I'm already trying to come up with some twisted style rationalization for doing half of the second sock in a different yarn.
I continue to be very satisfied with the Koigu, and I'm happily mulling over what I'd like to use it for next, now that I've got an idea how it knits up. I'd love to do something with a simple stitch pattern that really lets those gorgeous colors shine.
I'm afraid my photography is not good enough to really see, but I think it is clear that my sock doesn't look much like the photo in the book. Looking at my sock on its own, I feel pretty happy with it, and if all continues to go well, I'll be perfectly willing to give them to my cousin as planned (as long as she never sees what they're 'supposed' to look like!). However, if you can figure out what I'm doing wrong, I'd be interested to hear for the sake of my evolution as a knitter. Please be tolerant of the wretched colors in this photo. The yarn is truly much more beautiful than it appears. The reds are not so blinding, and the colors all work together much more subtly than you'd ever guess from this photography.
I'm absolutely wracked with worry that I'm not going to have enough yarn. My little ball is dwindling with diabolical speed, and if I run out I'm going to tear out my hair. I'm already trying to come up with some twisted style rationalization for doing half of the second sock in a different yarn.
I continue to be very satisfied with the Koigu, and I'm happily mulling over what I'd like to use it for next, now that I've got an idea how it knits up. I'd love to do something with a simple stitch pattern that really lets those gorgeous colors shine.
2/16/2006
Stitch Confusion
I've reached the end of my first leg, and am about to embark on the heel. I'm still worried about running out of yarn. I'm also confused. While the pattern looks very nice, it doesn't look like the picture in the book. I'm not redoing it, because there's nothing wrong with what I've got. But I wouldn't mind knowing what I'm doing wrong. The stitches of my sock run diagonally, so they spiral on down the leg. The photo of the socks in the book doesn't show this. Clearly, there's something wrong with my SSKs (I think). But I can't imagine what. I'm pretty confident that I know how an SSK works, and in all other contexts, it seems to make the stitches lean the way they're meant to, on sock decreases and such. So I don't get it. Maybe it will become clear in the fullness of time when I complete the sock, or start the next one in the next day and a half to keep up with my Olympic schedule. < end irony, sarcasm>
2/15/2006
Enumerated Whining
Problems I'm having with my Olympic socks:
1. I broke a freaking needle – I don't even know how, it was just broken suddenly when I picked up the knitting last night. I haven't even found the other end. I have two other sets of size 1s, but neither work. They're both too long, for one thing. And one is way too bendy. And the other, wellÂ… They're Fiddlesticks bamboo needles, and clearly say "US#1" on them, but they are too fat. They felt fat, but I didn't trust my senses. I rolled them between my fingers, then a #1 from another set. Still felt fat. I finally stuck 'em in the #1 hole of my trusty Knit Chek, and it did not fit!. I'm quite peeved. I may take them back to the store I got them at. SO anyway, they're of no use as replacements for the broken needle. I've ordered a new set, so now I'll have extras.
2. I'm afraid I'm not going to have enough yarn. I have two skeins of Koigu, which should work out to 1 skein per sock, which should be pretty safe, right? But I'm not done with the leg of the first sock yet, and I'm getting twinges of anxiety when I look at the smallness of the ball. It's really looking quite small. And the foot is supposed to be longer than the leg, which doesn't even take into account the heel or toe. So I should have way more than half a ball left. I'm afraid I don't. Time will tell.
3. UmÂ… It's what? Day 6 of the Olympic Challenge? I'm supposed to be two days away from finishing the first sock? Well, read number 2 up there, bucko. Not done with the leg yet.
1. I broke a freaking needle – I don't even know how, it was just broken suddenly when I picked up the knitting last night. I haven't even found the other end. I have two other sets of size 1s, but neither work. They're both too long, for one thing. And one is way too bendy. And the other, wellÂ… They're Fiddlesticks bamboo needles, and clearly say "US#1" on them, but they are too fat. They felt fat, but I didn't trust my senses. I rolled them between my fingers, then a #1 from another set. Still felt fat. I finally stuck 'em in the #1 hole of my trusty Knit Chek, and it did not fit!. I'm quite peeved. I may take them back to the store I got them at. SO anyway, they're of no use as replacements for the broken needle. I've ordered a new set, so now I'll have extras.
2. I'm afraid I'm not going to have enough yarn. I have two skeins of Koigu, which should work out to 1 skein per sock, which should be pretty safe, right? But I'm not done with the leg of the first sock yet, and I'm getting twinges of anxiety when I look at the smallness of the ball. It's really looking quite small. And the foot is supposed to be longer than the leg, which doesn't even take into account the heel or toe. So I should have way more than half a ball left. I'm afraid I don't. Time will tell.
3. UmÂ… It's what? Day 6 of the Olympic Challenge? I'm supposed to be two days away from finishing the first sock? Well, read number 2 up there, bucko. Not done with the leg yet.
2/12/2006
NPR : VP Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter
NPR : VP Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter
You have got to be kidding me. I don't know much about hunting, but I can't imagine it's easy to accidentally pepper someone in the face and chest with bullets. I'm speechless with despair.
You have got to be kidding me. I don't know much about hunting, but I can't imagine it's easy to accidentally pepper someone in the face and chest with bullets. I'm speechless with despair.
2/11/2006
The Passion of the Games
The Koigu sock event is off to a respectable start. Cast on was without incident, and I've completed 2" uneventfully. I figured out that I need to average 2" a day to finish the pair in 16 days, so I'm already a day behind – but I'm not in bed yet. I'm keeping my spirits up and optimistically imagining that I'll be able to catch up through a combination of days with more knitting time and becoming more familiar with the pattern, so faster.
The Koigu is excellent to work with and the colors are jewel-like and exciting. I'm having pangs of regret that I'm using a fussy pattern, as it's not ideal for showing the colors to their best advantage, but overall the effect is pleasing enough so far. I do want to do a future koigu project with a simpler stitch pattern to really revel in the colors.
The Koigu is excellent to work with and the colors are jewel-like and exciting. I'm having pangs of regret that I'm using a fussy pattern, as it's not ideal for showing the colors to their best advantage, but overall the effect is pleasing enough so far. I do want to do a future koigu project with a simpler stitch pattern to really revel in the colors.
2/07/2006
Behold, the completed legwarmers!
Never mind that now that they're done, the same girl who asked me to make them - yep, refuses to wear them. I tried to put them on her once, and triggered a tantrum complete with leg-kicking and screaming "take them off! Take them o-o-o-o-o-off!!".
So be it. Life is like that, I knit for the knitting experience. Also, now they're done. I am working on start #…4? 5? Of the Anna yarn socks. I ripped back again, and had to start over, again, despite the use of a lifeline. It was just all too wonky (to borrow a technical knitting term from Cara, my birthday buddy) to try to resurrect from the lifeline. It's going along swimmingly now, though, and I think I've already made it further than on any of my previous starts, so I'm optimistic that I'll actually create a sock this time. I'd better, because the yarn is starting to be the worse for wear. Lots of fuzzing. Some spots that are starting to seem …thin. I am in fear and trembling that having used the word 'swimmingly', I will now be sunk. But I'm here as a reporter, and as of now: all is swell.
However, I have figured out using the brilliant mathematical technique of subtracting 7 from 10, in addition to actually knowing what day it is today, that the Knitting Olympics begin in 3 days. Which means that all progress on the Anna socks is going to screech to a halt. And I'll get to start on – Koigu!
I am still too pathetic to get buttons on my template, so here: Woven into the post. Ethereal, temporal, fleeting. Buttons:
I'm considering all my Anna experiences training for the Knitting Games. I have done no other preparation thus far. But I'm not worried. I have to wind the yarn, and I have to buy the needles (my #1 dpns being otherwise engaged with the Anna sock, and there's no chance in heaven or earth that they'll be free by Friday). I suppose I should peruse the pattern again.
I should be honest with myself at this juncture. I have no illusion of finishing these socks in 16 days, but I don't feel bad about that. I'm participating with the spirit of the Olympics, to challenge myself, to see how I do. I'm not in it for a medal, but for the personal satisfaction of testing my limits, and in worldwide solidarity with knitters of all nations <…cue Olympic anthem…>.
Never mind that now that they're done, the same girl who asked me to make them - yep, refuses to wear them. I tried to put them on her once, and triggered a tantrum complete with leg-kicking and screaming "take them off! Take them o-o-o-o-o-off!!".
So be it. Life is like that, I knit for the knitting experience. Also, now they're done. I am working on start #…4? 5? Of the Anna yarn socks. I ripped back again, and had to start over, again, despite the use of a lifeline. It was just all too wonky (to borrow a technical knitting term from Cara, my birthday buddy) to try to resurrect from the lifeline. It's going along swimmingly now, though, and I think I've already made it further than on any of my previous starts, so I'm optimistic that I'll actually create a sock this time. I'd better, because the yarn is starting to be the worse for wear. Lots of fuzzing. Some spots that are starting to seem …thin. I am in fear and trembling that having used the word 'swimmingly', I will now be sunk. But I'm here as a reporter, and as of now: all is swell.
However, I have figured out using the brilliant mathematical technique of subtracting 7 from 10, in addition to actually knowing what day it is today, that the Knitting Olympics begin in 3 days. Which means that all progress on the Anna socks is going to screech to a halt. And I'll get to start on – Koigu!
I am still too pathetic to get buttons on my template, so here: Woven into the post. Ethereal, temporal, fleeting. Buttons:
I'm considering all my Anna experiences training for the Knitting Games. I have done no other preparation thus far. But I'm not worried. I have to wind the yarn, and I have to buy the needles (my #1 dpns being otherwise engaged with the Anna sock, and there's no chance in heaven or earth that they'll be free by Friday). I suppose I should peruse the pattern again.
I should be honest with myself at this juncture. I have no illusion of finishing these socks in 16 days, but I don't feel bad about that. I'm participating with the spirit of the Olympics, to challenge myself, to see how I do. I'm not in it for a medal, but for the personal satisfaction of testing my limits, and in worldwide solidarity with knitters of all nations <…cue Olympic anthem…>.
2/02/2006
Mememememe
Four jobs you've had in your life:
1. Waitress
2. Flower delivery
3. Painter
4. Box Office grunt
Four movies you could watch over and over again:
1. African Queen
2. Searching for Bobby Fischer
3. Gosford Park
4. The Muppet Movie
Four (of many) places you have lived:
1. Centreville, MD
2. Middletown, DE (I'm not kidding)
3. Pittsfield, MA
4. Colebrook, CT
Four TV shows you [used to] love to watch [back when you had a tv]:
1. The West Wing
2. Star Trek TNG
3. Friends
4. VH1 Behind the Music
Four places you've been on vacation:
1. Apalachicola, FL
2. Washington, DC
3. Cody, WY
4. Interlaken, Switzerland
Four websites you visit daily:
1. NPR
2. google
3. Weather Reports
4. This one
Four of your favorite foods:
1. blue crabs
2. shepherd's pie
3. bagels and lox
4. coffee ice cream
Four places you'd rather be right now:
1. Tahiti
2. visiting my brother
3. sailing
4. Scandinavia
Four bloggers you'll be tagging:
1. Heather
2. Cara
3. Cate
4. Claudia
1. Waitress
2. Flower delivery
3. Painter
4. Box Office grunt
Four movies you could watch over and over again:
1. African Queen
2. Searching for Bobby Fischer
3. Gosford Park
4. The Muppet Movie
Four (of many) places you have lived:
1. Centreville, MD
2. Middletown, DE (I'm not kidding)
3. Pittsfield, MA
4. Colebrook, CT
Four TV shows you [used to] love to watch [back when you had a tv]:
1. The West Wing
2. Star Trek TNG
3. Friends
4. VH1 Behind the Music
Four places you've been on vacation:
1. Apalachicola, FL
2. Washington, DC
3. Cody, WY
4. Interlaken, Switzerland
Four websites you visit daily:
1. NPR
2. google
3. Weather Reports
4. This one
Four of your favorite foods:
1. blue crabs
2. shepherd's pie
3. bagels and lox
4. coffee ice cream
Four places you'd rather be right now:
1. Tahiti
2. visiting my brother
3. sailing
4. Scandinavia
Four bloggers you'll be tagging:
1. Heather
2. Cara
3. Cate
4. Claudia
2/01/2006
Updates Galore
Meanwhile, I've got one and a half legwarmers done. No photography as yet. The completed one is not quite as long as I'd have liked – it covers the length of M.M.'s lower leg, but with no room for scrunchiness. I was worried about running out of yarn, so I didn't dare make it longer. Of course, I will probably still run out of yarn, which will mean I'll have to get more, which will mean I could make them both very, very long, but I'm taking that risk. I need to learn how to do a stretchier castoff, because what I did barely squeezes over the little foot. I'll do the next one more loosely unless I learn a new technique before then. I probably won't want to make them asymmetrical though, so I'm not going out of my way to learn it.
In other news, I swatched the llama yarn I got for Christmas, hoping to make a hat out of it, but it's too thin for the one I was thinking of. I should say I started to swatch because I only had to do a couple of rows to see that it wasn't even going to be close. A more experienced yarn maven would have known this automatically. Now I'm debating whether to find a different pattern or get different yarn. Probably different yarn, as now I'm thinking of doing fingerless gloves with the llama.
The Anna update: I got new needles – expensive, shorter, less bendy needles, and I have cast on and done about 4 rounds of the new try. I'm going to learn from my repeated mistakes and run a dental floss lifeline through it so I at least won't have to cast on again if I have another disaster. The silver lining in all this is that I am getting faster and better at this pattern. It's all part of my evolution as a knitter.
Finally, I'm beginning to anticipate the Knitting Olympics. I'm sorry I don't have tv and won't be able to watch the sports Olympics while I knit, because it would really be a lovely combination of activities. I know that I need another set of needles before Feb. 16, and I'm getting nagging feelings about winding the yarn and swatching. But who am I kidding? There is no chance I'm going to swatch. It's socks, I don't need to swatch and there's no chance in hell I'm going to get to it in time. There's also no chance in hell I'm going to finish them in 16 days…
…Wait, wait just a minute here. 16 days. It's 16 days long. That means it probably doesn't start on the 16th. Uh oh. I just checked Stephanie's official Knitting Olympics page and damned if it doesn't start on the 10th. Oops, that's 9 days from now. Nope, no chance in hell of a swatch.
Now if only I could figure out how to put a dang button on my blogger template. I've got no idea, and apparently it's one of those things that if you can't figure it out you're too stupid to blog, so I'm out of luck. Imagine it to your left, please. The sock team.
In other news, I swatched the llama yarn I got for Christmas, hoping to make a hat out of it, but it's too thin for the one I was thinking of. I should say I started to swatch because I only had to do a couple of rows to see that it wasn't even going to be close. A more experienced yarn maven would have known this automatically. Now I'm debating whether to find a different pattern or get different yarn. Probably different yarn, as now I'm thinking of doing fingerless gloves with the llama.
The Anna update: I got new needles – expensive, shorter, less bendy needles, and I have cast on and done about 4 rounds of the new try. I'm going to learn from my repeated mistakes and run a dental floss lifeline through it so I at least won't have to cast on again if I have another disaster. The silver lining in all this is that I am getting faster and better at this pattern. It's all part of my evolution as a knitter.
Finally, I'm beginning to anticipate the Knitting Olympics. I'm sorry I don't have tv and won't be able to watch the sports Olympics while I knit, because it would really be a lovely combination of activities. I know that I need another set of needles before Feb. 16, and I'm getting nagging feelings about winding the yarn and swatching. But who am I kidding? There is no chance I'm going to swatch. It's socks, I don't need to swatch and there's no chance in hell I'm going to get to it in time. There's also no chance in hell I'm going to finish them in 16 days…
…Wait, wait just a minute here. 16 days. It's 16 days long. That means it probably doesn't start on the 16th. Uh oh. I just checked Stephanie's official Knitting Olympics page and damned if it doesn't start on the 10th. Oops, that's 9 days from now. Nope, no chance in hell of a swatch.
Now if only I could figure out how to put a dang button on my blogger template. I've got no idea, and apparently it's one of those things that if you can't figure it out you're too stupid to blog, so I'm out of luck. Imagine it to your left, please. The sock team.
1/29/2006
It's the Process, It's the Process
I'm taking deep breaths. I'm remaining calm. I knit for the experience of knitting.
Remember the sock? The skinny Anna yarn, and the tiny size 1 needles? That's the sock that I started over last week, more than once. It's been going well. The pattern is clearer to me now, the colors are gorgeous. It's relaxing and challenging at once. I've gotten about 2 inches done. I've been a little daunted by the slowness of progress (especially with the nagging awareness that the Knitting Olympics are approaching and I'm committed to a whole other pair of socks with skinny yarn and tiny needles for that. But I'm enjoying this process.
This morning, my daughter – my darling, beautiful daughter, shown here in all her adorable glory –
took two of the needles out of the knitting. There are probably experienced knitters out there who could re-insert the needles, pick the stitches back up properly and continue, only losing a round or two. I am not such a knitter. I will probably not be able to bear ripping it out again tonight, so maybe I'll try to get some expert advice tomorrow… but I see yet another new start in my future.
I will not mention the fact that I broke one of my needles last night, so I'm going to have to go somewhere like here or here in order to continue this project anyway. Maybe I'll get some help.
Remember the sock? The skinny Anna yarn, and the tiny size 1 needles? That's the sock that I started over last week, more than once. It's been going well. The pattern is clearer to me now, the colors are gorgeous. It's relaxing and challenging at once. I've gotten about 2 inches done. I've been a little daunted by the slowness of progress (especially with the nagging awareness that the Knitting Olympics are approaching and I'm committed to a whole other pair of socks with skinny yarn and tiny needles for that. But I'm enjoying this process.
This morning, my daughter – my darling, beautiful daughter, shown here in all her adorable glory –
took two of the needles out of the knitting. There are probably experienced knitters out there who could re-insert the needles, pick the stitches back up properly and continue, only losing a round or two. I am not such a knitter. I will probably not be able to bear ripping it out again tonight, so maybe I'll try to get some expert advice tomorrow… but I see yet another new start in my future.
I will not mention the fact that I broke one of my needles last night, so I'm going to have to go somewhere like here or here in order to continue this project anyway. Maybe I'll get some help.
1/21/2006
Oh God
I ripped it out. The Anna yarn sock, I ripped it out. I was aware of several mistakes, each of which I might have lived with alone, but the sum of which weighed on me. Then I discovered a dropped stitch. I am not experienced or deft enough a knitter to have picked it up in that tiny lacy knitting, crochet hook or no. I tried tinking back, but it was like 6 or 8 rounds, and I couldn't cope with it. I ripped back to the offending stitch, but I was unable to pick the stitches up again. So I took a deep breath and ripped it back to the border. I could pick them up in the knit row before the lace pattern started.
The good news (I guess) is that in restarting the pattern, I realized the mistakes I'd been making, so now I'm doing it right (I think). It'll be interesting to see what it looks like this time. It is highly discouraging to look at the pathetic little wisp I've got now, when I had 4 or 5 inches yesterday.
M.M. is sick today, so I don't know if I'm going to get any knitting time, either.
The good news (I guess) is that in restarting the pattern, I realized the mistakes I'd been making, so now I'm doing it right (I think). It'll be interesting to see what it looks like this time. It is highly discouraging to look at the pathetic little wisp I've got now, when I had 4 or 5 inches yesterday.
M.M. is sick today, so I don't know if I'm going to get any knitting time, either.
1/16/2006
Finally Photography
Here is the leg warmer. I had to rip out a few rounds today as a result of somehow ending up with the wrong number of stitches. I suspect that there are errors in this piece, but I am not ripping back and starting over. It is a learning process and I believe the second one will be an improvement. It looks pretty good, and M.M. is impatient for them to be done. So.
And here are two unsatisfactory photos of the Peaks and Valleys sock in the Anna yarn. It was impossible to capture the detail in the stitches, and very difficult to get accurate color. I can't figure out why I couldn't get the camera to focus on the sock. Some weird extra-dimensional cosmic wormhole or something.
This second one has pretty good color. I've basically decided to keep on with this project despite my doubts about the yarn and my frustration with the needles and achey hands. I'm learning a lot, and I think the results will be good.
And here are two unsatisfactory photos of the Peaks and Valleys sock in the Anna yarn. It was impossible to capture the detail in the stitches, and very difficult to get accurate color. I can't figure out why I couldn't get the camera to focus on the sock. Some weird extra-dimensional cosmic wormhole or something.
This second one has pretty good color. I've basically decided to keep on with this project despite my doubts about the yarn and my frustration with the needles and achey hands. I'm learning a lot, and I think the results will be good.
1/14/2006
Little Needles, Little Yarn
In four days of knitting I've gotten 1/2" done on the Peaks and Valleys socks. Freakin' little needles, and freakin' skinny yarn. My fingers are achey tonight after about an hour of knitting. I've had to rip it out and start over three times, and now I'm counting the stitches every time I finish a needle - that's four times per round. It's because I'm making mistakes (ever rarer, but still it happens) and I have a really hard time fixing them if they're too far back. The yarn is so small and the stitches so fussy to my lace-novice needles that I end up making a bigger mess. If I catch it while I'm on the same needle it's semi-doable. This is not going to be a perfect pair of socks, though.
I can't quite tell whether I'm going to like them. I feel as though the colors are so beautiful but also a little busy that you can't see the stitch pattern very well. It all blurs into a hodgepodge of pretty colors. Which may be enough. I haven't given up. For one thing I haven't accomplished enough to really decide whether I like how it looks.
I can't quite tell whether I'm going to like them. I feel as though the colors are so beautiful but also a little busy that you can't see the stitch pattern very well. It all blurs into a hodgepodge of pretty colors. Which may be enough. I haven't given up. For one thing I haven't accomplished enough to really decide whether I like how it looks.
1/10/2006
New Year Knitting
I'm in a state of manic excitement over the freedom to knit without deadline and without pressure. Which is making me knit more and more enthusiastically than before Christmas. Life is full of irony. I'm working on two pairs of socks, each of which has a story.
The first started as a pair for either my daughter (2 yrs. old) or my nephew (just 1), depending on who they ended up fitting. They're Peaks and Valleys from
.
The pattern calls for fingering weight on size 1s in the infant size. I was raring to go, but I didn't have any fingering weight yarn, so I started it on 3s in Debbie Bliss cashmerino aran to see what would happen. They're clearly too big for socks for either M.M. or Mr. W.. But… I think they're going to be perfect as legwarmers for M.M. if I just make tubes. The pattern is easy and fun, and I like how it looks, particularly in the heavier yarn. So that's one.
The second pair is in a beautiful yarn I got the other day at my LYS, but it was without a label of any kind. The clerks said it's "Anna", whatever that means, but googling Anna yarn yields nothing helpful, so I'm flying blind here. It's very lightweight and handpainted (seems to be, anyway) in lovely blue, green, and purple. I'm starting a real pair of Peaks and Valleys that I'm planning to give a cousin when I'm done. I'm using number 1 needles, and boy is it all tiny and fussy. The drama about this yarn is that I got it home from the store and I was so excited about it that I started winding it up willy nilly and somehow created the Mother of All Tangles. It took me hours – like, double digit hours, I'm saying – to untangle the whole thing. I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning three nights in a row working on it. My back ached, my eyes crossed, my feet fell asleep as I obsessively unraveled the knots. I finished triumphantly at 1am yesterday, and cast on for the socks this morning. It's a damn good thing the stuff is so gorgeous or I never would have been able to do it.
The camera charger is on its way back to me in the mail so maybe I'll have images soon.
The first started as a pair for either my daughter (2 yrs. old) or my nephew (just 1), depending on who they ended up fitting. They're Peaks and Valleys from
. The pattern calls for fingering weight on size 1s in the infant size. I was raring to go, but I didn't have any fingering weight yarn, so I started it on 3s in Debbie Bliss cashmerino aran to see what would happen. They're clearly too big for socks for either M.M. or Mr. W.. But… I think they're going to be perfect as legwarmers for M.M. if I just make tubes. The pattern is easy and fun, and I like how it looks, particularly in the heavier yarn. So that's one.
The second pair is in a beautiful yarn I got the other day at my LYS, but it was without a label of any kind. The clerks said it's "Anna", whatever that means, but googling Anna yarn yields nothing helpful, so I'm flying blind here. It's very lightweight and handpainted (seems to be, anyway) in lovely blue, green, and purple. I'm starting a real pair of Peaks and Valleys that I'm planning to give a cousin when I'm done. I'm using number 1 needles, and boy is it all tiny and fussy. The drama about this yarn is that I got it home from the store and I was so excited about it that I started winding it up willy nilly and somehow created the Mother of All Tangles. It took me hours – like, double digit hours, I'm saying – to untangle the whole thing. I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning three nights in a row working on it. My back ached, my eyes crossed, my feet fell asleep as I obsessively unraveled the knots. I finished triumphantly at 1am yesterday, and cast on for the socks this morning. It's a damn good thing the stuff is so gorgeous or I never would have been able to do it.
The camera charger is on its way back to me in the mail so maybe I'll have images soon.
1/05/2006
Holiday Recap
It's been a couple weeks since my last pathetic post, but it's been the holidays, so that's no surprise. Life is now settling back down a bit to the humdrum tedium of gray cold snowy winter in the Berkshires.
Knitting I accomplished for Christmas (sorry, no photos at the moment):
• One pair of socks for my brother, very well received, and happily, they fit.
• One stuffed elephant for my nephew, very cute, but he didn't care a bit about it. He's only one, so I'm not hurt.
• One eggplant and one cucumber for M.M., came out nicely, and she seems happy enough.
Knitting-related Christmas loot that I received:
• "Knitting in the Old Way", which I am excited about, and which has thoroughly convinced me that I've completed the transition into a total dork (do I hear the question 'what transition?') because I'm actually fascinated by the mysterious origins of handknit sweaters. I'm waiting for it to get here in the mail because I couldn't carry everything on the plane home. When it arrives I'm looking forward to diving right into it.
• A skein of lovely soft handspun llama wool, bought from someone local to my brother and sil. I'm undecided what to do with it. I'd started a pair of baby socks, but it's really not the right weight for them and I'm worried it doesn't have enough elasticity, so I ripped them out. I may try again with different needles. I'm also considering a hat.
• Gorgeous handknit Himalayan mittens with humongous beautiful cuffs.
Projects I'm contemplating now that the holiday pressure is off:
• Socks for two of my cousins, which I had originally planned for Christmas but which came off that list quite early as it became very clear that it just wasn't gonna happen. I have koigu, and I can't wait to get to it.
• The rest of the produce for M.M. That'll be a short one.
• A hat for me. My current hat is colorful, but store bought and too big for me.
• Learning cables.
Gratuitous really cute picture from Christmas:
Knitting I accomplished for Christmas (sorry, no photos at the moment):
• One pair of socks for my brother, very well received, and happily, they fit.
• One stuffed elephant for my nephew, very cute, but he didn't care a bit about it. He's only one, so I'm not hurt.
• One eggplant and one cucumber for M.M., came out nicely, and she seems happy enough.
Knitting-related Christmas loot that I received:
• "Knitting in the Old Way", which I am excited about, and which has thoroughly convinced me that I've completed the transition into a total dork (do I hear the question 'what transition?') because I'm actually fascinated by the mysterious origins of handknit sweaters. I'm waiting for it to get here in the mail because I couldn't carry everything on the plane home. When it arrives I'm looking forward to diving right into it.
• A skein of lovely soft handspun llama wool, bought from someone local to my brother and sil. I'm undecided what to do with it. I'd started a pair of baby socks, but it's really not the right weight for them and I'm worried it doesn't have enough elasticity, so I ripped them out. I may try again with different needles. I'm also considering a hat.
• Gorgeous handknit Himalayan mittens with humongous beautiful cuffs.
Projects I'm contemplating now that the holiday pressure is off:
• Socks for two of my cousins, which I had originally planned for Christmas but which came off that list quite early as it became very clear that it just wasn't gonna happen. I have koigu, and I can't wait to get to it.
• The rest of the produce for M.M. That'll be a short one.
• A hat for me. My current hat is colorful, but store bought and too big for me.
• Learning cables.
Gratuitous really cute picture from Christmas:
12/18/2005
Yarn Photography
A photo of the order I got from Jimmy Bean to make the knitted vegetables. I'm just now casting on for a baby eggplant. It's cotton, which I haven't been using for a long time, and it's on BIG needles, at least compared to what I've used for every project for the past nine months – sevens instead of twos or threes – so I'm hoping it will go fast and satisfying.
12/17/2005
The Rundown
Let's see, 8 days to go. The socks are done. The stocking is 3/4 done, not counting adornment which I at this point see as unnecessary and possibly the mother's job anyway. The stuffed animals are not even happening. Maybe after Christmas. January presents. The knitted vegetables… well, that's where the suspense is, isn't it? The yarn came, minus one color (shouldn't they tell you something is backordered when you place your order? Especially if you order it 2 weeks before Christmas?!) I'm finishing stocking assembly before starting on the veggies. I'm anticipating possibly completing an eggplant before the big day. Low expectations, that's my motto.
12/08/2005
Deck the Halls with Yarns of Folly
Last night in a fatigue and Christmas-fueled haze, I came across these patterns. "What a great idea!" I thought. "I can make play food for M.M. rather than spending all that money buying it." Then I thought, "Hey, I should also make a couple of little stuffed animals for my nephew!"
"I'm almost done with the second sock, so I'll have plenty of time," I thought. "And they're little, so I'll get them done really fast!" So I ordered yarn. In five colors.
This morning I woke up and remembered a few things. To wit:
• I also promised to make my nephew a Christmas stocking, as called for by family tradition.
• I actually didn't finish M.M.'s stocking last year, and I'd like to do a little more decorative work on it.
• These are Christmas presents. Meaning, I can't knit them in front of M.M., who is now old enough to be surprised Christmas morning – and to demand to play with toys before Christmas if she knows about them.
• I'm a slow knitter.
• There are only 2 weeks left before Christmas.
• I can't feel smug about other people's Christmas panic knitting plans if I'm in the same state of mind.
I've been knitting madly on the still-to-be-finished sock this morning, so that when the yarn comes I'll be ready to jump right in.
"I'm almost done with the second sock, so I'll have plenty of time," I thought. "And they're little, so I'll get them done really fast!" So I ordered yarn. In five colors.
This morning I woke up and remembered a few things. To wit:
• I also promised to make my nephew a Christmas stocking, as called for by family tradition.
• I actually didn't finish M.M.'s stocking last year, and I'd like to do a little more decorative work on it.
• These are Christmas presents. Meaning, I can't knit them in front of M.M., who is now old enough to be surprised Christmas morning – and to demand to play with toys before Christmas if she knows about them.
• I'm a slow knitter.
• There are only 2 weeks left before Christmas.
• I can't feel smug about other people's Christmas panic knitting plans if I'm in the same state of mind.
I've been knitting madly on the still-to-be-finished sock this morning, so that when the yarn comes I'll be ready to jump right in.
12/06/2005
Knitting Survey – with Prizes!
I don't know why I'm publicizing this - it reduces my chances of winning anything. Oh, I forgot… no one reads this anyway. My chances are safe!
12/03/2005
Useless Information
Stolen from Margene
10 Random Things about Me…
• I love a woodstove
• I make a mean spinach lasagne, thanks to my mother
• I think I'd qualify for some sort of advanced degree in American folk music, should such a thing exist
• I know a song lyric for every conceivable situation
• I really like listening to the radio, and don't really like watching tv
• I was a New Year's baby
• I was in an incubator for the first 24 hours of my life
• I recently started wanting an iPod
• I'm sometimes embarrassed by my taste in books, movies and tv
• I'd like to get over that
9 Places I’ve Been….
• The Meteor Crator near Winslow, AZ ("I was standing on a corner in Winslow Arizona, such a fine sight to see/It's a girl my Lord in a flat bed Ford, slowing down to take a look at me")
• Carhenge, Alliance, Nebraska
• The Crazy Horse Memorial in Custer, SD (can you imagine a more ironic town name for this monument?)
• Interlaken, Switzerland
• Amsterdam
• Apalachicola, Florida
• Grass Valley, California
• Amarillo
• Key Largo
8 Ways to Win My Heart….
• Think I'm smart
• Be good at real things
• Take care of me
• Don't want me to be different than I am
• Tell me the truth
• Take me new places
• Help me fall asleep
• Love me
7 Things To Do Before I Die….
• Visit the 8 remaining states I haven't yet been to
• Fall in love
• Graduate college
• Write a book
• Raise sheep
• Lose the pregnancy weight
• Accept myself the way I am
6 Things I’m Afraid of….
• Frogs
• Big cities
• Liars
• Running out of money
• Environmental degradation
• Death
5 Things I don’t like….
• Bananas
• Commercialism
• Being cold
• Arguments
• Traffic
4 Ways to Turn Me Off….
• Be a know-it-all
• Wear cologne
• Be mean
• Drive aggressively
3 Things I Do Everyday….
• Laundry
• Drink tea
• Floss
2 Things That Make Me Happy….
• Woodfires
• My daughter
1 Thing On My Mind, RIGHT NOW….
• College application is still not done!
10 Random Things about Me…
• I love a woodstove
• I make a mean spinach lasagne, thanks to my mother
• I think I'd qualify for some sort of advanced degree in American folk music, should such a thing exist
• I know a song lyric for every conceivable situation
• I really like listening to the radio, and don't really like watching tv
• I was a New Year's baby
• I was in an incubator for the first 24 hours of my life
• I recently started wanting an iPod
• I'm sometimes embarrassed by my taste in books, movies and tv
• I'd like to get over that
9 Places I’ve Been….
• The Meteor Crator near Winslow, AZ ("I was standing on a corner in Winslow Arizona, such a fine sight to see/It's a girl my Lord in a flat bed Ford, slowing down to take a look at me")
• Carhenge, Alliance, Nebraska
• The Crazy Horse Memorial in Custer, SD (can you imagine a more ironic town name for this monument?)
• Interlaken, Switzerland
• Amsterdam
• Apalachicola, Florida
• Grass Valley, California
• Amarillo
• Key Largo
8 Ways to Win My Heart….
• Think I'm smart
• Be good at real things
• Take care of me
• Don't want me to be different than I am
• Tell me the truth
• Take me new places
• Help me fall asleep
• Love me
7 Things To Do Before I Die….
• Visit the 8 remaining states I haven't yet been to
• Fall in love
• Graduate college
• Write a book
• Raise sheep
• Lose the pregnancy weight
• Accept myself the way I am
6 Things I’m Afraid of….
• Frogs
• Big cities
• Liars
• Running out of money
• Environmental degradation
• Death
5 Things I don’t like….
• Bananas
• Commercialism
• Being cold
• Arguments
• Traffic
4 Ways to Turn Me Off….
• Be a know-it-all
• Wear cologne
• Be mean
• Drive aggressively
3 Things I Do Everyday….
• Laundry
• Drink tea
• Floss
2 Things That Make Me Happy….
• Woodfires
• My daughter
1 Thing On My Mind, RIGHT NOW….
• College application is still not done!
The Good and the Bad
The good news: Someone is finally very interested in the house, and Jan (realtor) thinks they're definitely going to make an offer!
The bad news: M.M. has come down with pneumonia
The good news: It's a mild case, she seems to feel fine, just has a bad cough and antibiotics will likely clear it right up.
Bad news: I feel a suspicious heaviness in my chest and I've started developing a cough too.
Good news: I got some free firewood and using the woodstove has made me very, very happy for the past few days.
Bad news: I didn't get very much.
The bad news: M.M. has come down with pneumonia
The good news: It's a mild case, she seems to feel fine, just has a bad cough and antibiotics will likely clear it right up.
Bad news: I feel a suspicious heaviness in my chest and I've started developing a cough too.
Good news: I got some free firewood and using the woodstove has made me very, very happy for the past few days.
Bad news: I didn't get very much.
11/29/2005
11/27/2005
One Sock Down
I'm late with my blogging. I actually finished the first sock last Monday, which was one day longer than my two week goal. Pretty good. The second sock is well along now, I've gotten about half the leg done, and I'm on track to complete it much more quickly than the first. For one thing, I didn't have to knit the first three inches half a dozen times, so I'm way ahead of the game.
In other news, M.M. graduated out of her high chair today. It was a poignant moment for me, but she took the whole thing in stride. Since she was able to climb in and out of it at will, and she was getting tall enough to make it increasingly difficult to stuff her legs in there under the tray, I decided it was time. We took the tray off and now she can sit at the table like a regular (tall) chair. It's kind of nice to have her there at the table with me, I admit.
Thanksgiving went as well as I could have expected, and I am thankful for many things, including:
• M.M., the beautiful, joyful, healthy, smart, wonderful child of my heart
• A good place to live. Even though I am desperate to get this house sold and get out of here, if you have to live in limbo, this is a very nice place to do it.
• Friends and family, of course. The good ones are very, very good.
• A measure of financial security... I'm more or less constantly scared these days about how long I'll be able to make ends meet, but so far so good, with the help of an incredibly flexible job that allows me not to have to buy child care, some child support, minimal though it may be, and a little bit of rent income from an impoverished tenant. I don't know how long I'll be able to swing it if the house continues to not sell, but so far we're still here.
• Books
• Music
• Living in a time and place where I can enjoy Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms: Freedom of Speech, Freedom from Want, Freedom from Fear, and Freedom of Worship
Happy Thanksgiving!
In other news, M.M. graduated out of her high chair today. It was a poignant moment for me, but she took the whole thing in stride. Since she was able to climb in and out of it at will, and she was getting tall enough to make it increasingly difficult to stuff her legs in there under the tray, I decided it was time. We took the tray off and now she can sit at the table like a regular (tall) chair. It's kind of nice to have her there at the table with me, I admit.
Thanksgiving went as well as I could have expected, and I am thankful for many things, including:
• M.M., the beautiful, joyful, healthy, smart, wonderful child of my heart
• A good place to live. Even though I am desperate to get this house sold and get out of here, if you have to live in limbo, this is a very nice place to do it.
• Friends and family, of course. The good ones are very, very good.
• A measure of financial security... I'm more or less constantly scared these days about how long I'll be able to make ends meet, but so far so good, with the help of an incredibly flexible job that allows me not to have to buy child care, some child support, minimal though it may be, and a little bit of rent income from an impoverished tenant. I don't know how long I'll be able to swing it if the house continues to not sell, but so far we're still here.
• Books
• Music
• Living in a time and place where I can enjoy Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms: Freedom of Speech, Freedom from Want, Freedom from Fear, and Freedom of Worship
Happy Thanksgiving!
11/19/2005
Pie Guy
We made apple pie today. I haven't made one in years, so I was pretty nervous about it. The dough, which I was most worried about, turned out very nicely – I was paranoid about overhandling it, but it turned out flaky and nice. I did forget to brush the top crust with anything, so it didn't brown much, but no big deal. The filling basically turned to mush because I cut the apples up too small. It's more like applesauce pie, really. Still tasty though. Check out the creative vent holes in the top, huh?I've thrown caution to the winds and started the toe decreases on the sock. I'm so determined to finish it tomorrow and not go over the 2 week mark that I don't care if it fits, dammit! I think it'll be ok. It's going to be bigger than my socks, so how wrong could it go? [foreboding music cue here].
I'm going to bed now, at 10:30, to make up for a short night last night and a no-nap day for M.M. today. I'm really tired and I was very cranky today, so I need to get some sleep. I hope the early bedtime doesn't backfire on me. I often seem to stay up later when I go to bed early, because of some freaky circadian rhythm thing, I guess, or some screwy psychological mid game I play with myself, or maybe because I'm just so darn stubborn.
G'night.
11/18/2005
Aquaria
I learned about this from Scrivener : Opening Wednesday, it's the largest aquarium in the world . I'm a big aquarium fan. I think it started with the tv ads for the National Aquarium in Baltimore when I was a kid. They showed these giant column filled with water and bubbles rising to the top, and they just looked so magical to me, I was hooked. The Boston Aquarium is pretty good too, but I found it a bit limited. Good penguin exhibit though.
Knitting-wise, I'm very happy that the missing sock of the pair I recently finished for M.M. mysteriously showed back up today. I had looked lots of places for it, but apparently not in the middle of the bedroom floor, because that's where it was this morning. I'm getting close to finishing the first of the socks I'm working on for my brother. I was hoping to do the whole pair in three weeks, but it looks like this one is going to take at least two. This means that my cousins will not be recieving hand-knit socks for Christmas this year. Not from me, anyway. However, this will not stop me from ordering Socks that Rock. I've already got the pattern picked for that, as well as for the Koigu that I got last month (was it only last month?).
M.M. has laryngitis of some sort. The poor thing can barely speak, and when she does, she sounds like a hard-livin' 17 year old. Her voice is low and hoarse and alternately crackly and squeaky. It sounds like she spends all her nights smoking and drinking whiskey, which is a little disturbing to this over-protective Mama. Luckily, other than being a little less energetic – or perhaps I should say more quickly tired-out – she doesn't seem to feel unwell. And she gets to take medicine, which is her all-time favorite thing to do (I'm so worried she's going to turn into a drug addict!). I've only been giving her homeopathic remedies, which don't really do anything, but they taste good.
She's really really excited about going on the train to Boston next week. The tickets arrived by FedEx today. By the way, don't even get me started on the fact that Amtrak forced me to pay an extra $12 for FedEx delivery of my tickets. In an age when they make machines that sell subway tickets and airlines don't even have actual tickets anymore, you can't tell me that they can't come up with some other way to work train tickets than delivering them by FedEx. Not only that but I had to actually call their 800 number rather than just order them online, because that was the only way to waive the signature requirement - which would have meant that I had to be home Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 because they couldn't tell me when they'd actually get here. Is this real? Do they actually think this is 1954 and people are home all day?
Anyway, what was I saying? M.M. is really excited about the trip. About half and hour after the tickets came, she said "Mama can I go on the Amtrak train now?" When I said no, it's in 5 days, she got out her Weebles and played train with them. This meant that she sat in her chair and set them up in rows in front of her, I gather as though they were all riding on a train together.
Knitting-wise, I'm very happy that the missing sock of the pair I recently finished for M.M. mysteriously showed back up today. I had looked lots of places for it, but apparently not in the middle of the bedroom floor, because that's where it was this morning. I'm getting close to finishing the first of the socks I'm working on for my brother. I was hoping to do the whole pair in three weeks, but it looks like this one is going to take at least two. This means that my cousins will not be recieving hand-knit socks for Christmas this year. Not from me, anyway. However, this will not stop me from ordering Socks that Rock. I've already got the pattern picked for that, as well as for the Koigu that I got last month (was it only last month?).
M.M. has laryngitis of some sort. The poor thing can barely speak, and when she does, she sounds like a hard-livin' 17 year old. Her voice is low and hoarse and alternately crackly and squeaky. It sounds like she spends all her nights smoking and drinking whiskey, which is a little disturbing to this over-protective Mama. Luckily, other than being a little less energetic – or perhaps I should say more quickly tired-out – she doesn't seem to feel unwell. And she gets to take medicine, which is her all-time favorite thing to do (I'm so worried she's going to turn into a drug addict!). I've only been giving her homeopathic remedies, which don't really do anything, but they taste good.
She's really really excited about going on the train to Boston next week. The tickets arrived by FedEx today. By the way, don't even get me started on the fact that Amtrak forced me to pay an extra $12 for FedEx delivery of my tickets. In an age when they make machines that sell subway tickets and airlines don't even have actual tickets anymore, you can't tell me that they can't come up with some other way to work train tickets than delivering them by FedEx. Not only that but I had to actually call their 800 number rather than just order them online, because that was the only way to waive the signature requirement - which would have meant that I had to be home Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 because they couldn't tell me when they'd actually get here. Is this real? Do they actually think this is 1954 and people are home all day?
Anyway, what was I saying? M.M. is really excited about the trip. About half and hour after the tickets came, she said "Mama can I go on the Amtrak train now?" When I said no, it's in 5 days, she got out her Weebles and played train with them. This meant that she sat in her chair and set them up in rows in front of her, I gather as though they were all riding on a train together.
11/13/2005
Progress!
Progress has been made. The leg of the sock is over 6" long, and the heel flap is done. I do have some confusion about the heel flap, however. The pattern calls for 24 rows, after which the flap is supposed to be 2 1/2" long. Mine is only 2" after 24 rows. At first I thought I'd just keep going until it was the desired length, but then I started thinking about picking up the stitches for the gusset and worried that everything would be askew if I had the wrong number of rows from which to pick stitches up. So I think I'm going to charge ahead and hope that the shorter heel flap is not a fatal flaw. The color in this photo is not at all true. It's really a much richer, darker, heathery-er red. In other news, we got rolling suitcases yesterday, in anticipation of our upcoming holiday travels: a train to Boston for Thanksgiving (highly inefficient, but the whole reason for the trip is for M.M. to be able to go on a train, so there we are) and flying to North Carolina for Christmas. M.M. had a great time pulling her suitcase through the throngs at the Holyoke Mall yesterday. I hadn't been there before, and I truly regretted going, particularly on a Saturday during the expanded holiday season. It was way too crowded, overstimulating, and crazy for me. M.M. did ok except for getting low blood sugar in Old Navy. She was better after an apple. We won't make the mistake of going there on a day like that again.
We had a last-minute house showing yesterday, so the morning was a frenzy of cleaning and tidying. I'm crossing my fingers, because according to the realtor, the people liked the house and are interested, though they haven't made an offer yet. We'll see what happens. I had a good feeling before the showing, but I'm trying to keep expectations and hopes low to avoid disappointment.
Here is some gratuitous cuteness. M.M. was eating like a lumberjack tonight, including grapes, caught here for digital posterity. Her sweater is wet because she had been washing dishes for a half hour before the grape-eating.
11/08/2005
Rose-Kim has these beautiful socks to show us, and over in Moth Heaven, we get to look at these lovely striped socks. Cassie at Too Much Wool has finished not one but two pairs of socks in the past two days.
And after knitting with every spare moment for two days, here's what I've got. I have lost count of the number of times I've ripped back the first two inches of this %)(@& sock in the last couple of days. I can't imagine why I can't handle the concept of knit 2 purl 2 repeat ad infinitum. It's really not that complicated. I was loving knitting with this yarn, on the #3 needles, which seem humongous after using nothing but 1s and 2s for the past 3 projects (which translates, embarrassingly, into about 6 months). I thought I was going to be making such fast progress with the bulkier wool and the bigger needles. Instead, I'm caught in some strange Dantéesque hell of knitting the same 5 rounds endlessly.
And after knitting with every spare moment for two days, here's what I've got. I have lost count of the number of times I've ripped back the first two inches of this %)(@& sock in the last couple of days. I can't imagine why I can't handle the concept of knit 2 purl 2 repeat ad infinitum. It's really not that complicated. I was loving knitting with this yarn, on the #3 needles, which seem humongous after using nothing but 1s and 2s for the past 3 projects (which translates, embarrassingly, into about 6 months). I thought I was going to be making such fast progress with the bulkier wool and the bigger needles. Instead, I'm caught in some strange Dantéesque hell of knitting the same 5 rounds endlessly.
11/06/2005
It's A Toddling Town
Yesterday M.M. got a nursing Mama and baby doll . She was exploring them, testing out the baby's sling, etc. and I asked her what the baby's name was. After very little hesitation, she said Chicago.
I have no idea where it came from, but she is committed to it. She didn't seem to have any ideas for naming the mama doll, but we eventually settled on Rebecca.
I have no idea where it came from, but she is committed to it. She didn't seem to have any ideas for naming the mama doll, but we eventually settled on Rebecca.
11/05/2005
Ta-Da!
They're finished! After much ripping out of the ribbing because I kept forgetting which round I was on, I finally got the second toe done last night, and M.M. is wearing them as we speak. The photos I took didn't come out very crisp, so you can't see the detail too well, but trust me, I'm quite pleased with myself.
I've already cast on for yet another pair of socks, for my brother's Christmas present. These are in worsted weight yarn (Cascade 220, a heathered blue color) on size 3 needles, and it all feels huge compared with the teeny tiny gauges I've been working with for the past 3 projects.
11/02/2005
Things I've Learned
Some things I've learned about parenting a 2 year old. It's all a cliché, but there's no such thing as a cliché when it's happening to me:
1. Don't worry, it will all change before I finish typing this.
2. Changing sleep patterns takes a looooong time, but it can be done (my apologies to Elizabeth Pantley, who I doubted here).
3. It takes consistency, nay, rigidity, in sticking to nap and bedtimes. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
4. If the child is so tired she's already falling asleep before you finish the whole bedtime routine, so you decide to skip part of it, the disruption will wake her right up, and she'll be awake far longer (and it will be far less pleasant) than just doing the whole damn thing in the first place.
5. Power struggles are not worth it. And unwinnable anyway.
6. Cut food up into smaller pieces that you think you need to.
7. Smaller portions ironically result in more food intake.
8. There is no end to the guilt and worry.
9. Crying will always happen at the exact moment that the NPR commentator is finally saying the one thing you want to hear.
10. New human beings learn an amazing amount every day.
11. There's still a lot they don't understand.
12. The first unsolicited "I love you Mama" is better than sex, chocolate, drugs, and an hourlong swedish massage all put together.
1. Don't worry, it will all change before I finish typing this.
2. Changing sleep patterns takes a looooong time, but it can be done (my apologies to Elizabeth Pantley, who I doubted here).
3. It takes consistency, nay, rigidity, in sticking to nap and bedtimes. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
4. If the child is so tired she's already falling asleep before you finish the whole bedtime routine, so you decide to skip part of it, the disruption will wake her right up, and she'll be awake far longer (and it will be far less pleasant) than just doing the whole damn thing in the first place.
5. Power struggles are not worth it. And unwinnable anyway.
6. Cut food up into smaller pieces that you think you need to.
7. Smaller portions ironically result in more food intake.
8. There is no end to the guilt and worry.
9. Crying will always happen at the exact moment that the NPR commentator is finally saying the one thing you want to hear.
10. New human beings learn an amazing amount every day.
11. There's still a lot they don't understand.
12. The first unsolicited "I love you Mama" is better than sex, chocolate, drugs, and an hourlong swedish massage all put together.
11/01/2005
Toddler Sock Progress
The colors are not true, but here is the sock-and-a-half. My sister sort of bummed me out this weekend by telling me the colors reminded her of camouflage, but I'm trying to put that out of my mind. I love these socks, because they look fancy to me, even though the pattern is an easy one. I'm very proud. And hoping against hope to finish them in the next day or two.
I wish I'd made less cuff and more leg. The pattern (from Knit Socks! ) calls for fuzzy novelty yarn on the cuff, from which I've politely abstained, but using the main color yarn makes the cuff too long and plain. Next time I'll know better.
�The AntiCraft!
"Where are the sweaters to enshroud our dark hearts? Where are the afghans to blanket our angst? Where is the macabre? The dark sensuality? We've brandished our needles in defiance. "
This is a seriously funny little magazine. But don't tell them, because I think they want to be taken very, very seriously.
This is a seriously funny little magazine. But don't tell them, because I think they want to be taken very, very seriously.
10/29/2005
Quick 'n' Clean
A quick update so I don't feel like such a blogging loser, even though I'm sure no one's reading it anyway. The house is being shown tomorrow, so I'm cleaning, straightening, hiding tchochkes, and 'staging' like a madwoman at midnight. Pleasepleaseplease God let these people want the house, pleasepleaseplease.
I'm happy to report that one toddler sock is finished, and I'm quite pleased with it. No photo as yet because of the cleaning frenzy, but I will document and share it soon. I've cast on for sock #2 and had knit several inches but had to rip it back substantially because I had gotten my purls and knits backwards on part of the ribbing. Oh well. There may be some knitting opportunities tomorrow, with my sister here to divert M.M.'s attention.
And, another gratuitous cutiepie photo:
I'm happy to report that one toddler sock is finished, and I'm quite pleased with it. No photo as yet because of the cleaning frenzy, but I will document and share it soon. I've cast on for sock #2 and had knit several inches but had to rip it back substantially because I had gotten my purls and knits backwards on part of the ribbing. Oh well. There may be some knitting opportunities tomorrow, with my sister here to divert M.M.'s attention.
And, another gratuitous cutiepie photo:
10/26/2005
10/22/2005
Stop me now!
I'm in serious danger of tackling more than one project at a time! Quick, do something! I'm working on the toddler socks, which are proving maddeningly slow and prone to mistakes (because they're so small? I don't know!), and am itching to get going on further sockage. I keep thinking about the size 3 needles in my collection that are not in use on the toddler socks. It's a hazardous situation. I didn't even see the Yarn Harlot in Rhinebeck, so I can't blame it on some sort of contagious multiple-project virus.
10/18/2005
Socky Socks
They're not flawless. One is a bit too short, and the other is a bit twisted. But I wore them all day yesterday, and they were quite comfortable, and no one pointed and laughed at my feet. So I'm satisfied with my first pair of socks. I've cast on for a quickie pair of toddler socks out of the leftover yarn before I start my next real project, which is to be another grownup pair.
I've been fantasizing about some yarn that I saw in Rhinebeck. Sadly, I don't remember the name of the vendor, and I wasn't smart enough to take a card. I remember the booth number (or at least the building number) and I've idly thought of trying to figure it out from there. But I need to work on my college application first. I can't help cracking up every time I think about having to work on a college app.
10/15/2005
Rhinebeck
We went. We saw a lot of yarn. We also saw sheep and llamas and some ringtailed lemurs. Bought slippers, no yarn …– I was a bit overwhelmed, and I couldn't concentrate on yarn and corralling a two year old at the same time. It was fun though.
Not so fun, I think I have to rip back the last several inches of the second sock. The toe decreases are on a collision course with each other and I think it's because I'm doing them in the wrong place. I'll try again.
Not so fun, I think I have to rip back the last several inches of the second sock. The toe decreases are on a collision course with each other and I think it's because I'm doing them in the wrong place. I'll try again.
10/14/2005
Free Day
We were awake for a long time in the middle of the night last night. I hadn't even fallen asleep yet when it started and I purposely didn't check to see what time it was or for how long it lasted. As a result we overslept this morning and missed M.M.'s 2 year old checkup. It's rescheduled for Monday. I'm completely out of it today; I can't think or speak sensibly. So I'm declaring a free day. I'm not going to try to be productive, or efficient, or smart about anything. Just moment to moment basics today, it's all I can handle.
Did I mention that it's been raining nonstop for 7 – yes, seven – days, with three more predicted? This could have something to do with the sleep issues and the dreary outlook.
Oh, and my koigu came. It's beautiful. I'm addicted. I just want to hold it and look at it all day.
Did I mention that it's been raining nonstop for 7 – yes, seven – days, with three more predicted? This could have something to do with the sleep issues and the dreary outlook.
Oh, and my koigu came. It's beautiful. I'm addicted. I just want to hold it and look at it all day.
10/13/2005
CBS | Late Show with David Letterman : Wahoo Gazette
CBS | Late Show with David Letterman : Wahoo Gazette: Bush's poll numbers continue to sink but he's working hard to bring them back up. Dave suspects he's going about it the wrong way.
I don't have a tv so I didn't watch this show, but this little excerpt I came across online made me giggle...
Announcer:
'President Bush has worked relentlessly to show all Americans he understands what a hard day's work is like. This is why he pretends to help build houses, pretends to help move furniture, and pretends to read intelligence memos. President Bush. Pretending a better tomorrow lies ahead.'
I don't have a tv so I didn't watch this show, but this little excerpt I came across online made me giggle...
10/12/2005
Elizabeth Pantley
Here are my problems with "The No Cry Sleep Solution" which – don't get me wrong – I'm really in favor of, theory-wise. It's just that, practically speaking-wise, well, here you go:
- My child has not read the part of the book where it says she needs 13 to 13.5 hours of sleep per day. She's getting 11, tops, and I cannot seem to knock her out for any longer no matter what I try.
- I have not been able to force her to 'sleep more the more she sleeps'. I love the counter-intuitive concept of it, but actually, she seems to go to sleep earlier if she has no nap! To wake up earlier in the morning if she goes to sleep earlier at night! Whoa, the logic!
- When I lie in the dark with her, refusing to engage other than to gently whisper "shhh, shhh" to help her settle, she does not drift off to sleep. Instead, she tries harder and harder to engage me until she's jumping around and crawling off the bed. This sends me into a red rage, which is not soporific to either of us.
- Massage tickles her.
- How the *%&# am I supposed to simultaneously whisk her into bed the moment she appears sleepy in order to respect and take advantage of her natural sleep rhythms and also maintain a consistent bedtime routine? She seems sleepy right after dinner, I get her into the bedroom, and changing her diaper gets her all riled up and peppy again. I can't abide the diaper rash that will appear if I don't change her between supper and the next morning.
She is really freakin' cute, though, isn't she?
10/07/2005
Links
I actually tinkered with my template and added some links to my sidebar. Plus, I changed the color of the annoying Blogger strip across the top of the page so that it is less noticeable. Unless I gratuitously draw attention to it by devoting an entire post to such trivial matters.
Slow Socks
Yeah, so the second sock... it's not that I've stopped working on it, or lost my enthusiasm, or anything. It's just, somehow... slooooow. A lot has been going on lately, and I have not been finding a lot of knitting time, despite making grand plans every few days. The progress is, I've started the heel flap. I believe I'm going to have some intensive knitting time as a car passenger on Sunday, so perhaps I'll even finish it, or at least get lots closer then.
I've taken another step in the direction of knitting obsession. I've purchased this . It's koigu, it's painter's palette, it's beautiful and it's on sale.
The reason it's a step down a slippery slope is that I have no specific project for which I'm planning to use it. And, I'm planning on going to Rhinebeck in a couple of weeks, and I believe it possible that I'll come back from that with some beautiful and unplanned-out yarn.
We're talking the beginnings of a "stash" here. This phenomenon is not allowed until a) I actually live somewhere, so I'm not packing and moving everything I own every few months, and b) my financial situation is under control and I know what my budgetary requirements and resources are. Seriously. Really.
I've taken another step in the direction of knitting obsession. I've purchased this . It's koigu, it's painter's palette, it's beautiful and it's on sale.
The reason it's a step down a slippery slope is that I have no specific project for which I'm planning to use it. And, I'm planning on going to Rhinebeck in a couple of weeks, and I believe it possible that I'll come back from that with some beautiful and unplanned-out yarn.
We're talking the beginnings of a "stash" here. This phenomenon is not allowed until a) I actually live somewhere, so I'm not packing and moving everything I own every few months, and b) my financial situation is under control and I know what my budgetary requirements and resources are. Seriously. Really.
10/03/2005
Second Birthday
We had a really nice day, and all went according to plan except that M.M. didn't take a nap until we were on the way to dinner tonight, so she got pretty tired. But she didn't fall apart or cry or anything, even though it was her party.
I made the cake, a healthy one that no self-respecting grownup cake eater would appreciate. I got a little nervous because I had to make a couple of substitutions (despite what I thought had been careful shopping) and the batter seemed more like dough than batter. It turned out ok though. A little more like muffins than cake, but tasty enough. And the frosting was great. It looked right pretty if I do say so, decorated with raspberries. I have to admit M.M. liked the ice cream more than the cake, but overall it was a success.
She got to open lots of presents, and got the hang of the loot-getting thing fairly early on in the process. She got a wooden toaster with wooden bread, butter, and a knife (her favorite part), a toddler sized broom and dustpan with which she ran around sweeping for the remainder of the party, a bunch of books, wooden lacing beads, Weebles (she can now say 'they wobble but they don't fall down'), lots of stuff. And her big present was a play stove/sink combo that I'm hoping she'll get years of use out of.
Dave and Linda (my tenant and another singer/songwriter) played guitar and sang songs, both M.M.-oriented and guitar-player-oriented, and there was general low-key merriment, which is my favorite kind.
The hibachi restaurant was fun, but a little traumatic, as M.M. got scared of the chef and the grill we were sitting around. I don't think I adequately prepared her, and when he first made it sizzle she pretty much freaked out. She was very tired and had already had a long, exciting day. Dave and Kathy Jo and I took turns standing away from the table and holding her so she could watch from a distance. She tried like a trouper to watch, but she really didn't enjoy it. The guy's cooking act involves several flaming moments, which is generally exciting and fun, but M.M. did NOT like it. The food was great though, and she got through it without totally falling apart. I felt a little bad about taking her though. I thought she'd like it, and I was too tired and overstimulated by the time we got there to remember to give her a talk about what was going to happen before it was too late. Oh well.
10/01/2005
Wax Paper Princess
This is what I walked into in the kitchen this evening. I had to laugh. Every ziploc bag in the house, the tin foil, and of course, the wax paper, which she proceeded to wrap herself in. It was a waste of wax paper, but other than that it could have been a lot worse. Nothing sticky (unlike my s-i-l's little boy who called himself "The Mayonnaise Monster" the other night, for reasons best left to the imagination), nothing that rolled into every corner of the house, relatively safe (except for the possibilities of, let's see, cutting herself on the blade of the tin foil box, suffocating on a ziploc bag, and, I suppose, choking on the tin foil. Luckily, she escaped injury.
She turns 2 tomorrow. I suppose she felt she needed to mark the occasion of her last day of being 1.
9/27/2005
Winter Shoes
Preschoolians - I'm Walking Barefoot Stay Warm Purple Nubuck Waterproof Bootie
I don't know. Is $44 too much to spend on warm, waterproof, yet soft and comfortable boots for my darling girl? Shoes that are at all stiff or hard seem to make her incredibly irritable and cranky, plus make her insist on being carried all the time. I tried two different kinds of winter boots last year with very limited success. However, I feel that I've spent a truckload of money on season- and size-appropriate clothing for her and me already this fall, and I can't really afford to be doing that. I probably will though, because really, she can't keep having soaking freezing feet. And I canNOT carry her around all winter.
9/26/2005
NOLA.com: T-P Orleans Parish Breaking News Weblog
NOLA.com: T-P Orleans Parish Breaking News Weblog
So, as far as I can see, the reports of the citizenry turning violent and out of control are false, even though the reports of the unimaginable, inhumane, despicable conditions they endured and the irresponsibility of the government agencies responsible are true.
Huh.
So, as far as I can see, the reports of the citizenry turning violent and out of control are false, even though the reports of the unimaginable, inhumane, despicable conditions they endured and the irresponsibility of the government agencies responsible are true.
Huh.
9/24/2005
Big Toe
Well, I finished the sock. Hmm... not quite sure whether it's a pattern problem or a following-the-pattern problem. I guess I'm going to do the second one and see what happens. It's discouraging though. All this work, and it's not really wearable. Ho hum.
Socks
Finally, the images uploaded. The sock should be finished today, and I'll get started on the second one.
9/22/2005
NPR : New Orleans Update: Leaving the City, Again
NPR : New Orleans Update: Leaving the City, Again: "Day to Day, September 21, 2005 � Citizens who had just returned to New Orleans at the urging of Mayor Ray Nagin are being forced to evacuate again because of the approach of Hurricane Rita. Noah Adams talks to Robert Smith, reporting from New Orleans."
I can't stand it. I am getting some seriously creepy vibes from all this. Those poor, poor people. My mind swirls out of bounds, imagining that this is the earth's retribution for all the havoc we've wreaked (I mean, if you were God and wanted to say 'Knock it off with the dependence on petroleum!' what would you do? Send fierce, 100-year storms to wreck the oil industry one after another? I might). I start to fantasize that every area of the country is going to get its own brand of climatic justice: earthquakes, fires, and mudslides in California (sound familiar?), ferocious blizzards in the north, etc. etc.
It could be a blockbuster Hollywood movie. Forget "Deep Impact" – see "Earth's Revenge", filled with special effects and mayhem.
I can't stand it. I am getting some seriously creepy vibes from all this. Those poor, poor people. My mind swirls out of bounds, imagining that this is the earth's retribution for all the havoc we've wreaked (I mean, if you were God and wanted to say 'Knock it off with the dependence on petroleum!' what would you do? Send fierce, 100-year storms to wreck the oil industry one after another? I might). I start to fantasize that every area of the country is going to get its own brand of climatic justice: earthquakes, fires, and mudslides in California (sound familiar?), ferocious blizzards in the north, etc. etc.
It could be a blockbuster Hollywood movie. Forget "Deep Impact" – see "Earth's Revenge", filled with special effects and mayhem.
9/21/2005
Sock-a-rama
Damn and blast! I have sock photos for your viewing pleasure, but Blogger is capriciously refusing to upload them. I had no trouble with the sweater photos, so I don't know what's going on. I'll give it another shot tomorrow, I suppose. Something to look forward to.
Triumph!
Here it is! It's done, it's done, it's done! The color is actually slightly paler than it appears in this photo. The porch makes a nice background, though, doesn't it?
Behold the Sweater on the super-cute model. Try to ignore the lens cap in her mouth.
9/16/2005
Daily Nightly: Brian Williams - MSNBC.com
"And we'll probably mention the power in our part of the city: the streets were lit last night, starting 30 minutes before the President's motorcade came through... then they went dark an hour after he left."
I know, I know, it's mainstream media, but I've been vaguely following Brian Williams' Katrina coverage via his blog, and it seems to be less corporate status quo power structure kow-towing than I'd have expected. Including the above note.
I know, I know, it's mainstream media, but I've been vaguely following Brian Williams' Katrina coverage via his blog, and it seems to be less corporate status quo power structure kow-towing than I'd have expected. Including the above note.
9/15/2005
First Sock
It's my first sock. It's my first sock. It's my first sock. It's reasonable for it to be slightly imperfect. I have to keep telling myself this to avoid getting completely disgusted with repeated ripping out and confusion. And to deal with the fact that despite the ripping out there are undoubtedly mistakes that I am going to be unable to fix. This is a practice pair. This is a practice pair. This is a practice pair.
My plan is to make this pair for myself, as a learning experience, then to start working through the sock book making Christmas presents. By December I'll be a sock expert and I'll be ready to learn cables. The long term plan is to do lace next spring. See that? It's all mapped out, and I'll be a true knitter in a year.
My plan is to make this pair for myself, as a learning experience, then to start working through the sock book making Christmas presents. By December I'll be a sock expert and I'll be ready to learn cables. The long term plan is to do lace next spring. See that? It's all mapped out, and I'll be a true knitter in a year.
9/12/2005
Scary Information
Mercenaries, trained to 'kill with impunity' are patrolling New Orleans
No one seems to know under what authority are these men operating. Great. Just great.
No one seems to know under what authority are these men operating. Great. Just great.
9/11/2005
Katrina
I can't not acknowledge the hurricane, but all the words are too weak and overused. All I can do is include some links. I can't even read some of these stories without weeping.
This quotation is part of an email message written by a doctor to his friends and colleagues while he worked on rescue efforts: I have met so many people while down here -- people who were at Ground Zero at 9-11, people who have done tsunami relief, tours in Iraq -- and every one of them has said this is the worst thing they have ever seen. It's unanimous, and these are some battle-worn veterans of every kind of disaster you can imagine.
I agree with Michael Moore's politics, but I sometimes find him too hysterical, getting me worked up but leaving me feeling hopeless. His site always has good information though. Like this article about Bush's criminally shameful response.
This quotation is part of an email message written by a doctor to his friends and colleagues while he worked on rescue efforts: I have met so many people while down here -- people who were at Ground Zero at 9-11, people who have done tsunami relief, tours in Iraq -- and every one of them has said this is the worst thing they have ever seen. It's unanimous, and these are some battle-worn veterans of every kind of disaster you can imagine.
I agree with Michael Moore's politics, but I sometimes find him too hysterical, getting me worked up but leaving me feeling hopeless. His site always has good information though. Like this article about Bush's criminally shameful response.
Completion!
The Endless Baby Sweater is done! Sadly, I have no photos yet, as the band is on tour with the camera until the end of next week. I'm trying not to let anything get schmutzy on the sweater before I can document it. M.M. loves it, and I must say it looks really adorable on her. There are a couple of small flaws, but overall it came out very well and I'm pleased.
I'm now working on a pair of starter socks, to learn on. They're coming much more quickly than the sweater did, and I'm enjoying it. I got two sock books from amazon.com and I'm looking forward to making socks into the indefinite future. I am kind of pathetically interested in folk art.
In lieu of a sweater photo, here's a gratuitous cute shot of my favorite sleeping beauty. Sorry about the fuzziness. I promise sweater photography next week. And maybe socks too!
I'm now working on a pair of starter socks, to learn on. They're coming much more quickly than the sweater did, and I'm enjoying it. I got two sock books from amazon.com and I'm looking forward to making socks into the indefinite future. I am kind of pathetically interested in folk art.
In lieu of a sweater photo, here's a gratuitous cute shot of my favorite sleeping beauty. Sorry about the fuzziness. I promise sweater photography next week. And maybe socks too!
8/20/2005
Mark Haddon
It's probably trendy right now, but I have recently read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and I really liked it. Aside from having a cutout of a dog on the front cover which M.M. loved ("It has a hole in it!! [giggle giggle]". It's a library book and I hope she doesn't destroy it before I return it), it is really moving and affecting without being trite or overdone. It's wonderful how he generates empathy for an autistic narrator who is unable to feel it for anyone else.
Here is a link to Terry Gross's interview with the author on Fresh Air.
Here is a link to Terry Gross's interview with the author on Fresh Air.
8/19/2005
Tricycle Cuteness
M.M. was handed-down (or over, as the painfully PC mom called it, presumably not wanting to wound my impoverished little dignity) this tricycle this week. She loves it, and I love the grownup-height pushing handle, but I won't be sad when her legs grow enough to let her pedal herself so I don't have to push it all the time.
The Sweater, continued
I'm in shouting distance of finishing sleeve #2 of the Endless Baby (Toddler) Sweater. When I do, I'll be faced with moving on to picking up stitches for the neck band, and that I do not know how to do. My knitting guru is not available to help me with this for two or three weeks, and I hope to be long done with the project by then. My newfound goal is to finish it before I drive to Maryland in a week and a half's time. I will have to either find another knitting guide or try to do it on my own by following the handy dandy instructions in the book.
I have to think very quickly and seriously about what I'm going to tackle next. I never thought I'd finish this sweater, so I'm not at all prepared. I'd like to try some socks, as it would make me feel like a more accomplished knitter, and I'm guessing they'd be a little more immediately gratifying. I don't have a clue how to make them, though, so I need a book, or a teacher, or something. I'm itching to know how to do cables, and lace, too. And spin and rear sheep, for that matter.
I have to think very quickly and seriously about what I'm going to tackle next. I never thought I'd finish this sweater, so I'm not at all prepared. I'd like to try some socks, as it would make me feel like a more accomplished knitter, and I'm guessing they'd be a little more immediately gratifying. I don't have a clue how to make them, though, so I need a book, or a teacher, or something. I'm itching to know how to do cables, and lace, too. And spin and rear sheep, for that matter.
8/18/2005
Climate Change
Last Saturday, 5 days ago, was, like 100˚F. Today it's freezing cold! I'm just saying... no wonder people are getting sick around here.
8/12/2005
Right Through Here is the Master Bedroom...
The house is being shown on Monday! I'm so nervous I probably won't be able to sleep all weekend. I have to work all day tomorrow, but Sunday will be for cleaning, straightening, fixing up... trying to make it look like a minimalist version one of those perfect magazines. Everywhere I look I see flaws, which take on gigantic proportions in my view: cobwebs on the fan (on the cathedral ceiling, so I can't reach it with a broom to get them down), flies swooping around, paint dribbles on the floor from when the incompetent druggies painted the walls, permanently squished pile in the rugs, scuff marks on the walls...
I know that if I didn't live here, if I visited someone in this house, I'd never notice most of these things, and if I did I'd think they were so incredibly minor there was no point wasting an ounce of energy worrying about them. But I've read those books about how if your house is completely perfect you can sell it in one day for thousands above the asking price... and if it isn't, if you don't paint the closets and scrub the pipes under the sink, forget it! Here's what I mean. And here. If anything is less than sparkling, fresh, brand-new, organized, all the buyers will see are the flaws and they'll walk away never to return.
Which is, I must say, exactly what the first two people who looked at the house did. On the other hand, that was only two people, possibly not a sizable enough sample for a real scientific test. At any rate, I'm in a swivet and in a swivet I'm sure to remain until the showing is over. At which point, I'd dearly love to sell the house!
I know that if I didn't live here, if I visited someone in this house, I'd never notice most of these things, and if I did I'd think they were so incredibly minor there was no point wasting an ounce of energy worrying about them. But I've read those books about how if your house is completely perfect you can sell it in one day for thousands above the asking price... and if it isn't, if you don't paint the closets and scrub the pipes under the sink, forget it! Here's what I mean. And here. If anything is less than sparkling, fresh, brand-new, organized, all the buyers will see are the flaws and they'll walk away never to return.
Which is, I must say, exactly what the first two people who looked at the house did. On the other hand, that was only two people, possibly not a sizable enough sample for a real scientific test. At any rate, I'm in a swivet and in a swivet I'm sure to remain until the showing is over. At which point, I'd dearly love to sell the house!
8/08/2005
News
Ibrahim Ferrer Dies at 78
: News
Ibrahim Ferrer, and Peter Jennings. Somehow news of both these deaths has shocked me more than I'd have thought, given that I never saw the Buena Vista Social Club and I don't watch tv. Just unexpected, I guess.
The sweater… I've made no progress on the sweater. I am nevertheless starting to contemplate a next project. I'm thinking about a shrug of some sort for Kathy Jo. I'd like to make something for myself for a change, but I don't want to take on anything too big and overwhelming and I don't think I can pull off wearing a shrug. I'm just not that kind of a fashion
Alternatively, I'd like to do something for The Dulaan Project . I am jumping the gun, though, because I will never finish the baby sweater.
8/06/2005
Bony Fingers
The window's fixed. I thik it turned out to be their fault after all, because after telling me that they had to go to Springfield and that they couldn't figure it out at all, they suddenly called and said they'd be here in a couple of hours and fixed it lickety split with no explanation. Not that I'm complaining. I have an intact window again, that's enough for me.
The second sleeve is progressing sloooooowly. I despair of ever finishing it, and consequently of ever starting or finishing anything else, although I have the yen to knit.
Tired, stressed, house unsold, move unmoved, feeling stuck in the mud in every meaning of the phrase.
"Work your fingers to the bone and whattaya get?
Bony fingers, bony fingers"
The second sleeve is progressing sloooooowly. I despair of ever finishing it, and consequently of ever starting or finishing anything else, although I have the yen to knit.
Tired, stressed, house unsold, move unmoved, feeling stuck in the mud in every meaning of the phrase.
"Work your fingers to the bone and whattaya get?
Bony fingers, bony fingers"
8/02/2005
Automotive
Here's what happened: My grass was really really long, and it's hard to sell a house that way. So my friend (who shall remain nameless, but who is kindly if a bit bumbling) agreed to cut it for me, as it is impossible for me to simultaneously run large sharp machinery and keep a 2 year old in one piece. Great! Short grass, everybody's happy.
When my friend got done, the rear windshield of my car was shattered. Not cracked, not dented, completely, totally, freakin' shattered. The mower apparently kicked up a stone. Damn. But, in this state, auto glass is automatically covered by your insurance, no questions asked. And the repair people come to your house or place of work and fix it for you. It's easy-peasy, mac-and-cheesy. I found a shop in the phone book that advertised weekends and holidays and late nights (this happened, of course, on Saturday evening). After some phone hassles (Mercury is retrograde after all), it was all set. They even connected me to my insurance company to get the paperwork taken care of.
So, we were stuck here Sunday. It was kind of nice. No driving anywhere, quiet day, got some stuff done, M.M. got to rest up from the long day Saturday. Monday morning dawns, bright and clear (ok, so it was cloudy. Still, it wasn't actually raining). The glass place calls at 9am, I'm first on the list of calls today. "I'll be there in a few minutes, ma'am". Great!
He shows up as promised, and I am cheery with anticipation of a fixed window. Here it comes, though: He's got the wrong part. He's confused; it looks like the right label on the box, but the window clearly won't fit my car. He calls the shop. They surmise that the factory put the wrong window in the right box. Sorry, we'll have to get another one and come back tomorrow. Nothin' we can do, ma'am.
I'm deflated, slightly pissed, unsure what to do with the day now. Shall I try to get someone to pick us up? I am supposed to go to work. It could wait until tomorrow, but that kind of throws off the whole week. I call around a little, but no one particularly wants to ferry us around today. So, change of plans, another quiet day at home. It actually goes ok. We relax, more of the same, don't get too stir crazy. I do get a sore ear from being on the phone too much. Mercury's retrograde, isn't that a bitch?
Today dawns, bright and clear (yes, really). Again, I'm cheery with anticipation. Gosh, we need to go to the grocery store by now. I really have to go to work today. At 8:30am the phone rings - those guys are efficient! But the voice on the phone tells me they can't figure out which window I need. All the boxes seem to have the same window in them, the one that is obviously the wrong size and shape for my car. My heart sinks. My ruined day flashes before me. I make meaningless demands of the woman at the glass shop "Well, you've got to do something because I've been stuck here for three days now!" She's sending the branch manager to look at my car personally and try and figure out what's going on.
He shows up an hour later, with a book full of outline drawings of every car in America. The book stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the true shape of my rear windshield, insisting that it is flat with sharp corners rather than curved and rounded. Branch Manager is stumped. I make useless suggestions: "Have you called the dealer?" "Do you want to look at my owner's manual?" No dice, on either count. I try to remain calm. He takes my VIN number and vows to drive to the distribution center (or whatever it is) and let me know what he finds out.
I guess I'm going to have to rent a car.
When my friend got done, the rear windshield of my car was shattered. Not cracked, not dented, completely, totally, freakin' shattered. The mower apparently kicked up a stone. Damn. But, in this state, auto glass is automatically covered by your insurance, no questions asked. And the repair people come to your house or place of work and fix it for you. It's easy-peasy, mac-and-cheesy. I found a shop in the phone book that advertised weekends and holidays and late nights (this happened, of course, on Saturday evening). After some phone hassles (Mercury is retrograde after all), it was all set. They even connected me to my insurance company to get the paperwork taken care of.
So, we were stuck here Sunday. It was kind of nice. No driving anywhere, quiet day, got some stuff done, M.M. got to rest up from the long day Saturday. Monday morning dawns, bright and clear (ok, so it was cloudy. Still, it wasn't actually raining). The glass place calls at 9am, I'm first on the list of calls today. "I'll be there in a few minutes, ma'am". Great!
He shows up as promised, and I am cheery with anticipation of a fixed window. Here it comes, though: He's got the wrong part. He's confused; it looks like the right label on the box, but the window clearly won't fit my car. He calls the shop. They surmise that the factory put the wrong window in the right box. Sorry, we'll have to get another one and come back tomorrow. Nothin' we can do, ma'am.
I'm deflated, slightly pissed, unsure what to do with the day now. Shall I try to get someone to pick us up? I am supposed to go to work. It could wait until tomorrow, but that kind of throws off the whole week. I call around a little, but no one particularly wants to ferry us around today. So, change of plans, another quiet day at home. It actually goes ok. We relax, more of the same, don't get too stir crazy. I do get a sore ear from being on the phone too much. Mercury's retrograde, isn't that a bitch?
Today dawns, bright and clear (yes, really). Again, I'm cheery with anticipation. Gosh, we need to go to the grocery store by now. I really have to go to work today. At 8:30am the phone rings - those guys are efficient! But the voice on the phone tells me they can't figure out which window I need. All the boxes seem to have the same window in them, the one that is obviously the wrong size and shape for my car. My heart sinks. My ruined day flashes before me. I make meaningless demands of the woman at the glass shop "Well, you've got to do something because I've been stuck here for three days now!" She's sending the branch manager to look at my car personally and try and figure out what's going on.
He shows up an hour later, with a book full of outline drawings of every car in America. The book stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the true shape of my rear windshield, insisting that it is flat with sharp corners rather than curved and rounded. Branch Manager is stumped. I make useless suggestions: "Have you called the dealer?" "Do you want to look at my owner's manual?" No dice, on either count. I try to remain calm. He takes my VIN number and vows to drive to the distribution center (or whatever it is) and let me know what he finds out.
I guess I'm going to have to rent a car.
8/01/2005
Dreamy
I've crossed some sort of threshold... I dreamed about knitting last night. This is good. Maybe it means I'll finish this sweater finally!
7/29/2005
Sleeve #2
I'm starting sleeve #2 of the Endless Baby Sweater. I've about given up on having it done before *Fenella* grows out of it. I think if I finished it NOW she'd be able to wear it for a few days. That would be kind of good actually, because it's perfect weather for it today.
However. It ain't finished and it ain't gonna be for a few more weeks at least, I think. As a new knitter I am going to need supervision to assemble and finish it. And like I said, I'm only starting sleeve 2. Sleeve 1 took … well, a long time.
However. It ain't finished and it ain't gonna be for a few more weeks at least, I think. As a new knitter I am going to need supervision to assemble and finish it. And like I said, I'm only starting sleeve 2. Sleeve 1 took … well, a long time.
7/26/2005
Minutiae Looms Large
Called realtor. Left message. No showings of the house yet.
Called insurance agent. Left no message. New $800/month rates. Need to cancel policy.
Car still runs. No decisions yet about where to live.
Called insurance agent. Left no message. New $800/month rates. Need to cancel policy.
Car still runs. No decisions yet about where to live.
5/05/2005
Hooray!
Hooray hooray hooray! The CD is finished. I sent it off to the manufacturer today. I can't really believe it's true, actually. There's a hole in my life now. And I'm in fear and trembling that there's some problem with it that I didn't catch. I'm looking forward to cleaning the apartment, selling the house, paying bills (sort of), and getting some sleep!
Hooray!
Hooray!
4/10/2005
New Moon Changes
Things are moving, it's happening quickly. In fact, I'm moving. I agreed today to move out of this apartment by May 15. I'll probably go back to The House, there to stay until it's sold, I suppose. It makes economic sense, and I'm not going to find a good rental in the Berkshires at this time of year anyway. It's not ideal; it's farther away from most of M.M.'s and my activities and social center, it's more isolated, and it's got weird associations. I'm going to have to try and set it up differently than it was when we lived there before, so I don't have creepy deja vu all the time.
My biggest fear – and also hope – is that we'll move back there and the house will sell immediately and we'll have to uproot again within a couple of months. I suppose it's really more of a hope than a fear, because it would be worse for the house not to sell and to be stuck in Pittsfield, with a big mortgage payment, for a long time.
The part of my plan that comes after the house sells is even more scary. It's to move to North Carolina. Every time I talk about it with my friends up here it starts to feel impossible and improbable. They openly say, or subtly indicate, that they'll miss me, and I know that I'll miss them, and I start to feel what a huge and irrevocable life change it is. When I'm thinking about it alone, in the shower, or driving down the road, or when I talk to my therapist or my brother or a few friends who are less invested in my staying here, it seems like a great idea: exciting, sensible, the obvious choice. Once in a while though, it hits me how deeply I'm rooted here, and that I won't be able to take those roots with me. I'll be able to visit them, of course, but it won't be the same.
I do need to start life over though. I could do it here, I suppose, but the old patterns - people, places, and things - are seductive and hard to escape. It's time to take the scary risks of doing my own things: going to school, or finding my own work, finding my own friends and community. I've been along time in the safe shadow of someone else's life's work, and I'm starting to feel like I don't have my own identity. I know the irony is probably that I have more of my own identity than ever now, and that's why I recognize how shaky it is. I hate the cliché of it, but there you are. It's a cliché because it's true.
That's why I need to go; I want to go for M.M.'s sake because I believe it will be a better place for her to grow up. The overriding reason is that I want her to grow up with family. It's questionable whether I'll ever be able to give her a sibling, or a father figure, so I want her to grow up with her cousin, with her uncle and aunt. As much as my friends love her, I've learned that blood really is thicker than water or anything else, and I want her to be grounded and rooted with people who can't drift away. And I worry about having her too close to td's family. I can't avoid the fact that she's got their genetic heritage, but I want to rescue her from them in every possible way.
Also, if I'm going to start over I might as well do it someplace with warmer weather and politer people.
My biggest fear – and also hope – is that we'll move back there and the house will sell immediately and we'll have to uproot again within a couple of months. I suppose it's really more of a hope than a fear, because it would be worse for the house not to sell and to be stuck in Pittsfield, with a big mortgage payment, for a long time.
The part of my plan that comes after the house sells is even more scary. It's to move to North Carolina. Every time I talk about it with my friends up here it starts to feel impossible and improbable. They openly say, or subtly indicate, that they'll miss me, and I know that I'll miss them, and I start to feel what a huge and irrevocable life change it is. When I'm thinking about it alone, in the shower, or driving down the road, or when I talk to my therapist or my brother or a few friends who are less invested in my staying here, it seems like a great idea: exciting, sensible, the obvious choice. Once in a while though, it hits me how deeply I'm rooted here, and that I won't be able to take those roots with me. I'll be able to visit them, of course, but it won't be the same.
I do need to start life over though. I could do it here, I suppose, but the old patterns - people, places, and things - are seductive and hard to escape. It's time to take the scary risks of doing my own things: going to school, or finding my own work, finding my own friends and community. I've been along time in the safe shadow of someone else's life's work, and I'm starting to feel like I don't have my own identity. I know the irony is probably that I have more of my own identity than ever now, and that's why I recognize how shaky it is. I hate the cliché of it, but there you are. It's a cliché because it's true.
That's why I need to go; I want to go for M.M.'s sake because I believe it will be a better place for her to grow up. The overriding reason is that I want her to grow up with family. It's questionable whether I'll ever be able to give her a sibling, or a father figure, so I want her to grow up with her cousin, with her uncle and aunt. As much as my friends love her, I've learned that blood really is thicker than water or anything else, and I want her to be grounded and rooted with people who can't drift away. And I worry about having her too close to td's family. I can't avoid the fact that she's got their genetic heritage, but I want to rescue her from them in every possible way.
Also, if I'm going to start over I might as well do it someplace with warmer weather and politer people.
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